The NRA claims that the only thing to stop the flu virus is a good man with a gun.
Comedians Who Use Racism, Sexism, Homophobia, etc for Humor Think They’re Edgy
When in fact you just seem like a senile 85 year old with pants up to your nipples rambling about back when “them damn devil women weren’t allowed to control their eeeeeeeevil vaginas.”
Congrats, you have actually succeeded in becoming grandpa Simpson. You are the least controversial, shocking, revolutionary standup comedian on the planet, your jokes were hackneyed in 1955.
This is you:
You are not saying what we’re all thinking, but too scared to say, you’re saying what literally everyone else in society got over thinking decades ago. You are an anachronism, get back in your own millenium.
- [Granddad smacks Huey on the head; he was dreaming]
- Huey Freeman: Ow!
- Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: Mm-hmm. You were havin' that dream where you made the white people riot again, weren't you?
- Huey Freeman: But I was tellin' the truth!
- Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: How many times have I told you you bet' not even dream of tellin' white folk the truth? You understand me? Shoot... makin' white people riot. You better learn how to lie like me. I'm gonna find me a white man and lie to him right now.
A bunch of people have submitted this by Kevin Bolk.
Which is hilarious, as usual. :)
Oddly, I have something similar already in my queue that I’ve been struggling to caption, so this is a perfect coincidence!
Saw the middle of this on a webcomic ad. The ladies flanking the center folks were just icing on the ridiculous cake.
Actual symptom: tingling and numbness in little finger and ring finger. Actual problem: Ulnar nerve interference caused by swelling and bruising after smashing my elbow into a doorframe. Actual treatment: Stretch often, wait for it to heal.
WebMD’s diagnosis: You are having a heart attack. Right now. Or possibly you have bone cancer. See an expensive specialist yesterday, or you will die.
Beatrix Potter: The Tale of the Flopsy Bunnies
Belgium’s filet américain — a mass of raw ground beef, studded with raw onions, little pickles and capers. Sometimes, just for added risk, there’s a raw egg on top. (Photo by Rainer Zenz, Wikipedia)
The filet holds a special place in the Belgian stomach. Pearl-laden octogenarians daintily slide it onto forks in five star restaurants. Postmen slip into one of Brussels’ famed “brown cafes” for a quick filet (and a Leffe blonde, bien sûr) between deliveries. Youthful office workers glide out of sandwich shops toting their Martinos (sub andwiches made with the same ingredients). Roofers and plumbers pull homemade américain baguettes out of their packs during their regular smoke breaks.
WARNING: Consuming raw or undercooked meat, poultry, seafood, shellfish and eggs may increase your risk of food borne illness
That sounds pretty good. Throw some frites on the side, some hot sauce, yeah, I’d eat that.