altonym:

nothatsstupid:

ladymaxwell:

vialisa:

men perpetrate 88% of total violence against men and women
women perpetrate 9.6% of total violence against men
whine more about how this is misandry??????

Throw in some statistics on motive, and you’ll probably find a lot of the women killed in self defense. Men are so fucking oppressed I can’t even stand it.

I was thinking about exactly this last night. If Misandry is super srs and such a real problem, show me the upsurge in female violence against males since it’s gained popularity. I’ll wait.

seriously!christ this is like when they use male death in the workplace as an example of institutional oppression against menbecause feminist groups are renowned for campaigning against workplace health and safety standards and woman-led groups weren’t in fact responsible for helping reduce the incidence of child labour (in the UK at least) and responsible for some of the earliest incidences of successful labour action in British history

altonym:

nothatsstupid:

ladymaxwell:

vialisa:

men perpetrate 88% of total violence against men and women

women perpetrate 9.6% of total violence against men

whine more about how this is misandry??????

Throw in some statistics on motive, and you’ll probably find a lot of the women killed in self defense. Men are so fucking oppressed I can’t even stand it.

I was thinking about exactly this last night. If Misandry is super srs and such a real problem, show me the upsurge in female violence against males since it’s gained popularity. I’ll wait.

seriously!

christ this is like when they use male death in the workplace as an example of institutional oppression against men

because feminist groups are renowned for campaigning against workplace health and safety standards and woman-led groups weren’t in fact responsible for helping reduce the incidence of child labour (in the UK at least) and responsible for some of the earliest incidences of successful labour action in British history

(via queensoucouyant)

"They found that a year after the event, the women who were turned away from an abortion were more likely to rely on government assistance, more likely to be living beneath the poverty line, and less likely to have a full-time job than the women in the study who had obtained abortions. They also registered more anxiety a week after they were denied an abortion and reported more stress a year out. They were no more or less likely to be depressed. And women who gave birth suffered from more serious health complications—from hemorrhaging to a fractured pelvis—than the women who aborted, even later in their pregnancies.

Happy home lives also failed to materialize. The women who were turned away were more than twice as likely to be a victim of domestic violence as those who were able to abort. The researchers found that “a year after being denied an abortion, 7 percent reported an incident of domestic violence in the last six months,” compared to 3 percent of the women who received abortions. The researchers concluded that this “wasn’t because the turnaways were more likely to get into abusive relationships,” but that “getting abortions allowed women to get out of such relationships more easily.” Carrying an unwanted pregnancy to term helped abusive men stay in these women’s lives, but it didn’t encourage delinquent new dads to stick around: The researchers found that “men were no more likely to live with a turnaway who’d borne their children than they were to live with a woman who had an abortion.”

The abortion debate often focuses on a woman’s health during those first nine months. This study shows that an unwanted pregnancy can have long-lasting effects on a woman’s body and well-being far after she carries it to term."

Amanda Hess writing at Slate about ANSIRH’s Turnaway Study. For more, io9’s write up and the Global Turnaway Study’s Facebook page.

[NB: More people than just cis women need and want access to abortion care.]

(via keepyourbsoutofmyuterus)

(via karnythia)

Japan.

ontopofyou:

Do you want to know what sexism and racism look like? The JAPANtag on tumblr is your answer. That. Why must that one word be overrun with images of Japanese girls, Japanese girls in their school uniform, Japanese porn, hentai and blatant sexual abuse.

Why is the word JAPAN and why is the Japanese culture fetishized and reduced down to no more then the systematic abuse and sexualisation of women and girls?

(via thisisnotjapan)

CreepShots Is Back and Impersonating Lesbians

everythingbutharleyquinn:

You can take r/CreepShots out of Reddit, but you unsurprisingly can’t stop Redditors from coming up with disgusting new ways to fetishize non-consent. A tipster from the subreddit r/actuallesbiansalerted us to two new creepshot forums, in which moderators are not only posting photos of unsuspecting women but mocking the LGBTQ community at the same time.

There’s r/CandidFashionPolice, where “people post candid photos of women and then we judge their fashion choices similar to TLC’s what not to wear” and posters are instructed to “speak like a sassy Diva when commenting or posting.”

We won’t link directly to the photos, but it’s very,very clear that they’re creepshots in disguise as “flamboyant gay guys.”

Many of the exact same photos are on r/Cshots as well, along with headlines like “Fellow lesbian eating pussy at a strip club parking lot. Mmm, I wish she was eating my c*nt.” The photos wouldn’t be okay if they were posted by lesbians — or if they were really posted by fashion-obsessed gay dudes — but according to r/actuallesbians and our source, that’s not the case, as evidenced by the moderators with titles like “Women’s Rights Activist” and “Women’s Shelter Employee.” (Look, notorious troll/CreepShot fan POTATO_IN_MY_ANUS is one, too!)

gross. gross. gross.

(Source: dykesanddykery, via annehka)

International Hotlines

survivorsupport:

Canada
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Australia
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

England
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Scotland
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Wales
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Republic of Ireland (Eire)
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Northern Ireland
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

New Zealand
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Europe
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

(via formerlybarbreyryswells)

International Hotlines

survivorsupport:

Canada
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Australia
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

England
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Scotland
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Wales
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Republic of Ireland (Eire)
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Northern Ireland
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

New Zealand
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Europe
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

(via formerlybarbreyryswells)

International Hotlines

survivorsupport:

Canada
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Australia
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

England
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Scotland
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Wales
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Republic of Ireland (Eire)
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Northern Ireland
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

New Zealand
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

Europe
Sexual Assault | Domestic Violence | Suicide

(via formerlybarbreyryswells)

more on emotional abuse…[tw]

baddominicana:

Emotional abuse is any behavior that is designed to control another person through the use of fear, humiliation, and verbal or physical assaults. It can include verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics like intimidation, manipulation, and refusal to ever be pleased.

Emotional abuse is like brainwashing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in her perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it be by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of “guidance” or teaching, the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient loses all sense of self and all remnants of personal value.

Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be longer-lasting than physical ones. With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at the victim’s self-esteem until she is incapable of judging the situation realistically. She has become so beaten down emotionally that she blames herself for the abuse. Her self-esteem is so low that she clings to the abuser.

Emotional abuse victims can become so convinced that they are worthless that they believe that no one else could want them. They stay in abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go. Their ultimate fear is being all alone.

Following are types of emotional abuse:

  • DOMINATION: Someone wants to control your every action. They have to have their own way, and will resort to threats to get it. When you allow someone else to dominate you, you can lose respect for yourself.

  • VERBAL ASSAULTS: berating, belittling, criticizing, name calling, screaming, threatening, excessive blaming, and using sarcasm and humiliation. Blowing your flaws out of proportion and making fun of you in front of others. Over time, this type of abuse erodes your sense of self confidence and self-worth.

  • ABUSIVE EXPECTATIONS: The other person places unreasonable demands on you and wants you to put everything else aside to tend to their needs. It could be a demand for constant attention, frequent sex, or a requirement that you spend all your free time with the person. But no matter how much you give, it’s never enough. You are subjected to constant criticism, and you are constantly berated because you don’t fulfill all this person’s needs.

  • EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL: The other person plays on your fear, guilt, compassion, values, or other “hot buttons” to get what they want. This could include threats to end the relationship, the “cold shoulder,” or use other fear tactics to control you.

  • GASLIGHTING: The other person may deny that certain events occurred or that certain things were said. You know differently. The other person may deny your perceptions, memory and very sanity.

  • CONSTANT CHAOS: The other person may deliberately start arguments and be in constant conflict with others. The person may be “addicted to drama” since it creates excitement.

source

(Source: bad-dominicana, via kartari)

Dumb Things White People Say: Tumblr's Privilege

messianicrebel:

safyhallanfarah:

TRIGGER WARNING.

Tumblr wants to ban Riley (dumbthingswhitepplsay).

Tumblr sent Riley an email saying that they’ve received complaints against Riley from certain users. These people complaining are claiming that Riley disseminates hate speech via their blog.

If you…

-Riley may have a rough-edged tongue, but in no way deserves to be banned. Their actions have never been more than reaction to a strong, aggressive and predatory racist community. Banning Riley does nothing but justify the kind of racists that regularly send users like Riley, Curiouslycool and others vile hate, threats and bigotry.

It’d be nice to see Tumblr own up and start doing some real cleaning up around here, but this kind of looks like the exact opposite.

(Source: fatwasandfanboys, via agooddaytowhy)

I saw a post by Ryking just now

dreams-from-my-father:

coldbitterness:

And I’m not gonna reblog it because fuck that shitstain I don’t feel like talking directly to him, I’d make more headway talking to my toothbrush

But the post was a question asking “if Chris Brown had beaten up a man three years ago, would anyone still care?” tagged with, among other things, “misandry” and “hypocrisy”

And wow so I have a lot of (sad, angry) feelings about that bullshit question, about the very idea that women, especially women of color, especially when they’re victims of abuse, enjoy some privileged position in society. And that they have that privilege because sometimes people remember that they were abused and get kinda mad at the abuser (but he’s still able to be famous and celebrated and win awards). But instead of talking about that, I’m actually going to talk about that eternal question on the lips of angry deluded men everywhere: what about the men?

Yeah so, what about them? Specifically, what about the men and boys who are victims of abuse? You hear them mentioned, briefly, by a lot of men ranting about women but then, hmm, anyway, onto my next bullet point about feminazis and misandry… 

I’m not the first person to point this out, but the whole reason we have things like battered women’s shelters and resources for female abuse victims is because women saw a need for them and created them. Women were, and are, and will be, beaten, raped, and killed. And some other women, many of whom had been beaten and raped themselves, said “fuck this” and made spaces for other women like them. These resources didn’t just appear out of nowhere. People who cared about abuse victims created them.

And that’s the thing, that caring about other victims. Because for all the hue and cry raised by the Rykings and AmazingAtheists and other angry MRAs of the world, they don’t seem to really do much in the way of creating spaces and resources for male victims. And hey, it’s not their job, no one’s saying they have to. But clearly you see this lack, and clearly you (claim to) care a lot about it so hey, maybe instead of being mad at women for sometimes having the nerve to be paid attention to or have someplace to go if they get beaten up you could, I don’t know, start helping men?

And I really just cannot with this claim that feminists/women in general don’t care about male victims. As a female abuse survivor who has known and cared about and loved numerous men and boys who have been victims of many kinds of abuse, fuck you, from the bottom of my heart, if you think I don’t care about male victims. And I say this as someone who has, let’s say, a not very kind opinion of men as a whole. The men who bring this claim up do not give two shits about any victim, female or male, they just want to score woman-hating points. No matter my opinion of men in general, I feel a kinship or connection or whatever you want to call it with fellow survivors, and it is fucking disgusting and shameful to just bring up their existence as an argumentative point to bash women. These are real people, real men and boys, who have gone through real pain, and you’re just bringing them up, bringing that pain and suffering and abuse up, for half a second as some sort of “checkmate, feminazi” argument that makes sense only to your sick mind. You don’t give two shits about actually doing anything for them, about addressing the specific social structures that affect men and boys who have been beaten or molested or raped, you’re just glad they’re there for you to mention while you’re railing against women for daring to have things like shelters and rape crisis centers. And that makes you fucking disgusting.

(Source: dignified-and-old, via socialuprooting)

whatfreshhellisthis:

americanindividual:

whatfreshhellisthis:

aynrandcommune:

antistellar:

asourashesturntodust:

hellokittyharpoon:

it frightens me how many people are supporting that dad for emotionally abusing his daughter

It frightens me more that PEOPLE ACTUALLY THINK THIS IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE

you don’t know what words mean do you

get the fuck out with that fuck shit

OH HE TOOK HER COMPUTER AWAY EMOTIONAL ABUSE SHE NEEDS TUMBLRRRR

again tumblr leftists 

she needs to watch episodes of sherlock on her laptop or she’ll die ;A; REAL NEGLECT AND ABUSE ;WWWWW; ;_;

Yes, because taking away her laptop- that she paid for- and fucking shooting it to “teach her a lesson” about venting to her friends after hacking into her locked Facebook is not parental abuse. Uh huh.

Because that is not at all about control and domination, and is not a violent and terrifying reaction at all, and violating her privacy is totally ok.

Sure.

He didn’t taker her computer away, he shot it. After hacking into her Facebook.

Jesus fucking christ you don’t even think before you just spew bile everywhere, do you?

Meh, people live and learn

Yep.

People live and learn.

Or they develop BPD and/or other conditions caused by long-term exposure to trauma.

You know, either or.

(Source: kinagase)

fannybaws:

catbountry:

princessnecrophilia:

catbountry:

pegasuscop:

catbountry:

antistellar:

asourashesturntodust:

hellokittyharpoon:

it frightens me how many people are supporting that dad for emotionally abusing his daughter

It frightens me more that PEOPLE ACTUALLY THINK THIS IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE

you don’t know what words mean do you

get the fuck out with that fuck shit

OH HE TOOK HER COMPUTER AWAY EMOTIONAL ABUSE SHE NEEDS TUMBLRRRR

again tumblr leftists 

I dunno, man, if my stepdad shot my computer I’d be frightened out of my fucking mind.

Then again I’m 25 and not 16.

do people really not realize that this is a deeply unhealthy way to sort out family problems

Especially like, really mundane family problems.

I mean she might be a 16 year old spoiled brat but as far as I know she’s not like posting nudes up on the internet or threatening to kill bitches or harassing her classmates and telling them to kill themselves.

She’s just complaining about her parents.

I mean just talk to her, ya dingus.

Putting up a video of you shooting her laptop on the internet is like taking extreme measures for typical whiny teenage bullshit.

i call bullshit on emotional abuse.

this sounded like the LAST STRAW for him, and judging by what a cunt of a girl she is, she had clearly pushed his buttons to the point where he did this. this isn’t just a little thing to their family - that is what people dont get.

that shit did its job and probably did it well. she wont be doing THAT again now will she? just bc she was scared it doesnt mean she was emotionally abused.

he is a strict parent. strict parenting =/= emotional abuse. and, by the sound of it, she was a little liar too. she didn’t have to do ONE THIRD of what she said she had to do. 

so now she gets to have no laptop and think about what she said.

I’m just wary because it’s exactly that line of thinking that my step-father uses when he does crazy shit like jumping on my bed while I’m sleeping in it for accidentally waking him up late at night.

Are you all high? Strict parenting my hairy butthole.

Strict parenting is making firm rules and sticking by them. Creating reasonable consequences in order to teach a kid practical lessons and enforce order in a household. So. She fucked up with her computer? Take it away until she gets her shit together. Or take it away for good. Ground her. Take her cell phone. This man admitted he spent money and time on a perfectly good piece of equipment and then ruined it. Why? Not to teach a lesson. Because if this lesson is, “Be responsible with your technology,” he’s hardly setting a good fucking example. If it’s, “Be respectful to your family,” he’s doing even worse.

No, this is a grown man who got embarrassed then enraged by something a teenage girl said to her friends on the internet and wanted to get his own back. A petty grudge, not parenting. A show of power. Not only that, a carefully constructed and creepy show of power. He chose to get back at a teenager by using a firearm to destroy property. Y’know, like mature adults do.

“Hey kids, if you get mad at someone, take their stuff and ruin it! But be sure to be vaguely aggressive about it, especially if you’re dealing with a minor.” - this guy

“But Melissa,” I hear you say, “she was a cunt!” Oh, okay. Guys, it’s alright for a grown man to have a childish and vaguely threatening outburst on camera using a deadly weapon if his teenage daughter is being a cunt. Especially since all other teenagers girls are paragons of respect, honesty, and virtue.

Fuck this guy. At worst, he’s being abusive (and flexing your nuts to put a young person in their place while quite possibly inducing terror at the same time damn well qualifies). At best, he’s a terrible parent and an asshole.

Footnote: I’m not saying parents shouldn’t have the right to be at the end of their ropes on occasion. I think people dealing with kids on a regular basis probably get there at least once, human condition and whatnot. But most of them don’t pull out guns and make elaborate youtube videos about it.

(Source: kinagase, via fannybawws)

Passive-aggressive racism

notforyoutobreak:

First, understand what I mean by “passive-aggressive.”  It’s not just somebody defriending you on Facebook and not telling you why.  When I talk about it, I mostly mean a personality a person has — a way that they deal with others.

Anybody can exhibit passive-aggressive behavior, but that does not necessarily mean that they themselves are passive-aggressive.  I act passive-aggressive all the time with my snark and sarcasm, and I do it knowingly and obviously.  It’s a way for me to cope with dipshits and assholes without having to go and punch people in the face.  And if I act that way, it normally means I’m just done with that person.  About everybody acts passive-aggressive in some way or another.

But when someone is passive-aggressive, it means they get control and power over people in underhanded, sneaky ways.  Passive-aggressives’ primary goal is to reduce people to objects of their own personal comfort.  They may or may not be consious of it, but passive-aggressiveness can be a means of covert abuse, hence I’m stressing “getting power and control over people.”  That’s what all abuse boils down to, not just being mean to somebody.  This is usually the definition given in romantic relationships, but it works in all types of interactions with people.

And when it comes to racism, I see a lot of white people with passive-aggressive personalities trying to reduce PoC to objects of their own comfort.  I talk about covert racism a lot, which is what most racism is, and this is an example of what I mean.

One way to spot a passive-aggressive almost right away is if they never display  any sort of anger.  We ALL have anger, but passive-aggressives honestly think they’re above all of it and all anger is bad.  But they usually show their anger in under-handed ways, and they cover it up with nicities, a smile, and it can even seem loving to the receiver.  With passive-aggressive racist white people, they’ll do and say racist shit that seems nice on the surface, but it reeks of white supremacy underneath if you just listen closely.

White people hide their anger and hate a lot.  They hide their anger about how they’re not an authority on something.  They cover up their white supremacy.  But then they stick it to PoC in a lot of underhanded ways instead of confronting their inner beliefs they were taught and dismantling them by themselves.

There’s no confronting a passive-aggressive.  They’ll seem completely dismayed about being called out on their actions and try to explain and excuse away.  They can’t stand direct confrontations, and they often just say what they think people want to hear so that they don’t have to confront anything.  They’re absolutely frustrating to deal with because of their shallowness.  And I see a lot of racist white people be the same way if their actions and behavior are criticized by PoC or if they perceive it as personal criticism (even when it might not be at all, but they’re afraid PoC will act “hostile” against them, so they automatically flop down into doormats).

Passive-aggressive project blame.  It’s everything else, and they shouldn’t be held accountable at all.  “Look, I grew up in a small rural town and wasn’t taught any better!”  “Sometimes, I can just say things wrong!” “Well, maybe if YOU didn’t make white people so afraid of being called racist and complain about it so much, I wouldn’t feel so afraid!  I just feel frustrated because I’m not really racist and you think I am!” “No, YOU’RE blaming everybody for YOUR problems and just playing the race card!” etc.

Passive-aggressive are often very ambiguous.  They rarely say what they mean or mean what they say.  Confront them about their words, and they backpedal or twist your words around.  They keep their messages and actions cryptic just to see if people will eat their shit.  If people get angry at them, THEN they act and say something.  Their actions and words rarely measure up with their intentions, but then they whine if they’re called out on their shit because it “wasn’t their intention.”  If this sounds like a lot of arguments PoC have had with white people, you’d be right.

They’re other examples of passive-aggressiveness that can be used by covert racists, but they use these tactics until PoC submit.  If PoC don’t submit, then that’s usually when they REALLY show their asses.  Seriously, just try it.  They either just outright attack, or they play the martyr game. 

White people do and say anything to get PoC to the point where white people feel comfortable around them, expecting PoC to change and act to their liking.  But white people with their white privilege and growing up to be taught white is always right?  They certainly don’t feel comfortable seeing it pointed out and dismantled.  They don’t like seeing PoC being individual people and having their assumptions about PoC debunked. 

But, they don’t want to be called out on racism, nor do they want to admit to their privilege.  So, they often act passive-aggressive instead.  Might not be completely conscious of it, but it still does A LOT of harm to PoC.

But white people, we sense your anger and hostility, no matter how nice, sympathetic, or sorry you act.  You better work on that.  You know, by yourself. 

And fellow PoC, please don’t fall for this shit.  It can be hard to notice in people, but really listen to your gut.  I say life is too short to deal with it.

(via cruelyouth-deactivated20120511)

How to fight low self-esteem

goldenphoenixgirl:

Because low self esteem is so common, especially among survivors, I thought I’d take a moment to address the topic.

We all know how important self-esteem is. A person’s self-image is how they see themselves, and it effects every aspect of functioning. People are programmed to cling to their self-image and ignore evidence that disagrees with it. When a person has an accurate self image, or one that is slightly higher than accurate (which is common), clinging to their ideas about themselves is healthy. When someone insults a person with a good self-image, clinging to self-image helps that person bounce back and function.

But what about negative self-image? No one would try to cling to that, right? Wrong. Most of us know that girl you can compliment all day, but she still clings to the idea that she’s ugly. That’s because she identifies herself as an ugly person. That’s who she is, and she needs to know who she is to function. By telling her she’s pretty, you’re telling her something that doesn’t fit with her ideas about the world, and that makes her uncomfortable. (This discomfort is clinically termed “cognitive dissonance” which refers to a great mental discomfort that happens when your ideas and experiences of the world don’t match up.) So, being uncomfortable, the girl with low self-esteem decides to believe what makes most sense to her. She retreats back to what she knows best: the idea that she is ugly.

If you struggle with self-esteem, you may have noticed this, too. Everyone in the class besides one person says you gave a great speech, but instead of focusing on the praise, you might focus on the one insult. That’s your mind looking to confirm what it already “knows”. How do you fight this? Force yourself to look at it logically.

If your mind is telling you something untrue, correct it. If you think “I’m so stupid,” because you made a mistake, correct that thought. Tell it that you are a smart person who simply made a mistake. If your mind tells you that you’re ugly, tell it why it’s telling you you’re ugly, such as “I’m only thinking I’m ugly because my abusers told me I was ugly,” and then pointing out times when the evidence showed that you were not ugly.

The bottom line is, your brain looks to confirm what it’s used to hearing. If you try to correct every lie with the truth, eventually your brain will become used to the truth and look to confirm it. You will begin paying more attention to the positive comments and actions towards you and dwell less on the negative. That’s worth the trouble, right?

(Source: theresalwaysalwayssomething, via fromonesurvivortoanother)

feministblackboard:

Trigger warning: abuse and rape descriptions.
A few weeks ago my mom stapled pages of a story in one of her women’s magazines together and handed it to me. She gave it to me pretty much with the tag lines “for your feminist blog” and “something new to consider.” Indeed it was; she knows me well.
The story is titled “I was forced to be pregnant.” With a title like that, reading it was actually not on the top of my to read list. I thought it was about women not exercising their right to choice. I was very, very wrong on that one.
Have you ever heard of Reproductive coercion? It is a term that was quite recently coined by the advocates against domestic violence to describe a certain type of abuse some women face. It occurs when a man pressures their partner to have kids and/or impregnates them against their will. Reproductive coercion comes in three different types:1. Emotional pressure that turns into verbal and physical abuse.2. Sabotaging birth control3. Marital rapeOver 75% of women 19-49 who reported once experiencing domestic violence also endured some type of reproductive control by men. It’s all about control and domination over a woman’s body.
The first story in the magazine is about a woman who got married around 36 years of age. After a few months of dating her boyfriend talked excitedly about having children. After he proposed he began calling her “The Babymaker.” She then confided with him that one of her fallopian tubes was blocked. He in return insisted she see a fertility doctor. She recounts, “I had finally met a great guy who was eager to start a family with me. What woman wouldn’t fall for that?” Soon after her honeymoon he persisted on in an obsessive manner, but his efforts had to be temporarily halted as she had to get emergency back surgery. Alas, 6 months into recovery he was back to pressuring her again. She was in much pain at the time due to her back, but she agreed to In Vitro Fertilization. She then became pregnant, but soon miscarried. In response, her husband grabbed her by the neck, choking her. He apologized, blaming his outburst on his grief and had her sign up for another round of IVF. And then a third round. She tried to put him off with the excuse that she needed to weigh more before she could take treatments, her husband forced her to get on the scale often and filled the fridge with fattening foods. “It hurt that all I was good for was getting pregnant.” She recounts. At the end, he screamed at her, threatening to replace her with a maid if she couldn’t get pregnant and she told him she no longer wanted to have his child. He destroyed bedroom furniture, pushed her down the stairs and threatened her with a gun. She fled to a domestic violence shelter.
The second story was about a woman who faced marital rape. This woman was 40, had a then boyfriend and two children from a previous marriage. After telling her boyfriend she did not want any more children, her boyfriend refused to wear a condom and began to rape her.  She then became pregnant with her third child. Birth control was never an option for her because she couldn’t hide pills anywhere for he went through all of her belongings. Three months after giving birth, he raped her again, impregnating her with twins. She lost the twins in a physical fight with him, but soon became pregnant again. During her recovery she begged her obstetrician to remove her ovaries and devise a lie to tell him; that she had cancer. After a decade of sexual abuse and violence she was able to get a job that kept her out of the house and often times traveling.
One in four callers to the National Domestic Abuse hotline said that their partners had tried to force them to become pregnant. Why? As one woman stated, “Its like he wants to own me from the inside out.”  Having a baby is the perfect tie that binds. These type of abusers want to create a circumstance in which their partner is dependent on him.
WHAT’S THAT HAVE TO DO WITH PLANNED PARENTHOOD?
Many voters never consider how defunding these clinics could hurt victims of domestic violence who turn to them for counseling as well as pregnancy prevention. Abused women will turn to health care providers long before they will turn to domestic abuse hotlines and organizations. Many women in abusive relationships rely on life saving, affordable care programs such as Title X. It is critical that such places are open and operation when women and children need them so desperately.

feministblackboard:

Trigger warning: abuse and rape descriptions.

A few weeks ago my mom stapled pages of a story in one of her women’s magazines together and handed it to me. She gave it to me pretty much with the tag lines “for your feminist blog” and “something new to consider.” Indeed it was; she knows me well.

The story is titled “I was forced to be pregnant.” With a title like that, reading it was actually not on the top of my to read list. I thought it was about women not exercising their right to choice. I was very, very wrong on that one.

Have you ever heard of Reproductive coercion? It is a term that was quite recently coined by the advocates against domestic violence to describe a certain type of abuse some women face. It occurs when a man pressures their partner to have kids and/or impregnates them against their will. Reproductive coercion comes in three different types:
1. Emotional pressure that turns into verbal and physical abuse.
2. Sabotaging birth control
3. Marital rape
Over 75% of women 19-49 who reported once experiencing domestic violence also endured some type of reproductive control by men. It’s all about control and domination over a woman’s body.

The first story in the magazine is about a woman who got married around 36 years of age. After a few months of dating her boyfriend talked excitedly about having children. After he proposed he began calling her “The Babymaker.” She then confided with him that one of her fallopian tubes was blocked. He in return insisted she see a fertility doctor. She recounts, “I had finally met a great guy who was eager to start a family with me. What woman wouldn’t fall for that?” Soon after her honeymoon he persisted on in an obsessive manner, but his efforts had to be temporarily halted as she had to get emergency back surgery. Alas, 6 months into recovery he was back to pressuring her again. She was in much pain at the time due to her back, but she agreed to In Vitro Fertilization. She then became pregnant, but soon miscarried. In response, her husband grabbed her by the neck, choking her. He apologized, blaming his outburst on his grief and had her sign up for another round of IVF. And then a third round. She tried to put him off with the excuse that she needed to weigh more before she could take treatments, her husband forced her to get on the scale often and filled the fridge with fattening foods. “It hurt that all I was good for was getting pregnant.” She recounts. At the end, he screamed at her, threatening to replace her with a maid if she couldn’t get pregnant and she told him she no longer wanted to have his child. He destroyed bedroom furniture, pushed her down the stairs and threatened her with a gun. She fled to a domestic violence shelter.

The second story was about a woman who faced marital rape. This woman was 40, had a then boyfriend and two children from a previous marriage. After telling her boyfriend she did not want any more children, her boyfriend refused to wear a condom and began to rape her.  She then became pregnant with her third child. Birth control was never an option for her because she couldn’t hide pills anywhere for he went through all of her belongings. Three months after giving birth, he raped her again, impregnating her with twins. She lost the twins in a physical fight with him, but soon became pregnant again. During her recovery she begged her obstetrician to remove her ovaries and devise a lie to tell him; that she had cancer. After a decade of sexual abuse and violence she was able to get a job that kept her out of the house and often times traveling.

One in four callers to the National Domestic Abuse hotline said that their partners had tried to force them to become pregnant. Why? As one woman stated, “Its like he wants to own me from the inside out.”  Having a baby is the perfect tie that binds. These type of abusers want to create a circumstance in which their partner is dependent on him.

WHAT’S THAT HAVE TO DO WITH PLANNED PARENTHOOD?

Many voters never consider how defunding these clinics could hurt victims of domestic violence who turn to them for counseling as well as pregnancy prevention. Abused women will turn to health care providers long before they will turn to domestic abuse hotlines and organizations. Many women in abusive relationships rely on life saving, affordable care programs such as Title X. It is critical that such places are open and operation when women and children need them so desperately.

(Source: feminist-blackboard, via propaganda-for-life)