The Scariest Halloween Costume Ever
Many don’t often understand why dressing up as people from other races and cultures is perceived as offensive, beyond the fact that it “hurts people’s feelings.”
I have a story from last Halloween that illustrates the problem perfectly.
I was at a Halloween party in Westwood (UCLA’s college town), not dressed up as usual. In attendance was a guy (let’s call him Bob because he’s basic and I don’t remember his name) who I’d had an argument with the week before. En route to a different party, I had overheard him and a friend drunkenly laughing about just leaving a party because there were “too many Asians” in attendance. I called them out in front of everyone on the street, yelling at them and calling them racists. That’s obviously the worst thing you can call someone, so they followed me around that night desperately trying to convince me that they weren’t racist (Bob had done mission work in African apparently, so he was incapable of such tyranny!!1).
Fast forward to Halloween night, and it turns out Bob’s roomates was one of my friends. His roommate approached and tried to convince me to give Bob another chance, that he wasn’t racist, and that he felt really bad about what he did. He introduced Bob formally to me and then left us to become bffs.
There was only one problem. Bob’s costume that night was a large sombrero, furry black moustache, and an oversized poncho.
He tried to chat me up about different random topics, but I was visibly deadpan and uninterested in conversing with him. He then asked my why I wasn’t dressed up, and I told him that I’m not really into American holidays. Since we were now on the topic of costumes, I asked him what he was dressed up as.
He paused before answering, suddenly hesitant. Avoiding eye contact, he responded, “Umm… well… nothing.”
“Huh?” I replied. “You’re clearly dressed up as something—”
“Oh, yeah. Well I couldn’t really find anything, so I guess I sorta just threw this together and now… I’m kinda like a Mexican or something.”
“Right.” I turned away from him.
“Well are you going to dress up tomorrow?” He inquired. “There are so many more parties to attend!” No. I wasn’t. But he was persistent.
“Come on, man. You gotta dress up! Here, I’ll help - what have you always wanted to dress up as?”
I looked at him from top to bottom, my gaze stopping at a bottle of red hot sauce in his left hand. I turned toward him and finally gave him a welcoming smile. “Fine! I wanna dress up as a white person.”
He looked at me as if an eyeball had just popped out of its socket. “What? Dress up as a what?”
“You know, a white person. I’d love to be that. Can you help me out? What should I wear?”
He laughed, seemingly relieved that I was finally engaging him in a friendly manner. “Oh come on man, don’t be silly. You can’t just dress up as a white person.”
“Because, man… white people are diverse. You’ve got skater boys, hillbillies, businessmen, rich people, poor people, hipsters, bros, hippies, nerds… so many different types. There is no one way to just generally be ‘a white person.’”
I laughed incredulously. “Oh… but wait. You can dress up as a Mexican but I can’t be a white person? Is there just one way to be a Mexican, then?”
He froze. “Oh, no! There’s not just one way to be a Mexican…” his voice trailed off, unsure of itself.
“Ok. So what other ways could you have been a Mexican?”
I stared at him with a closed-mouth smile and arms crossed, patiently waiting for an answer. But Bob was struggling, scanning the room full of ghosts, goblins, and Indians for a politically correct answer.
“Well, to be a Mexican… I guess I could have been a gardener.”
Our conversation ended there. (I may or may not have told him to get out of my face.)
Bob did come back as the party ended to vaguely thank me for making him think. But I was once again cold and uninterested. And now when he sees me around campus, he makes sure to awkwardly look away or walk in a different direction.
I’m not in college anymore, but the saga continues - I’m writing this while at my corporate job, and one of my coworkers is dressed as a gangster, decked out in a red bandana, Dickies, and a checkered shirt only buttoned at the top. He’s a grown man dressed as a one-dimensional “Mexican.”
When you dress up as other races, you’re not only covering up your own identity — you risk covering up your mind’s ability to differentiate real people from their stereotypes and caricatures.
Fuck everyone going “as a Mexican” this year.
You’re going “as a racist” and you should know it. And that costume doesn’t come off.
Here are some Mexicans
Top to bottom:
Enrique Olvera, internationally famous chef of Pujol in Mexico City
Monos Urbanos, parkour crew that has done TV ads and workshops around Mexico
Lorena Ochoa, the former BEST WOMENS GOLFER EVER.
These are Mexicans. You dressing up as a stereotype is you being a racist for Halloween and presumably all the other days of the year too.
At Anime Nebraskon with Zap lol! This made my day!
I wonder if he was covered in… Real velooooooooour.
Media is overrated.
Remember when Halloween was fun? Know that it still is? Yea. Remember when THE MEDIA NEVER BITCHED ABOUT COSTUMES BEING RACIST!? Those. Were. Good. Times. Now apparently dressing up as a Geisha or a Mexican is racist. Really people? Come on! Seriously! Pull your heads out of your arse and stop complaining about every little thing that you can twist the world into thinking is racist.
Oh, sorry, let me go as a zombie. Oh wait, I can’t, because that’s racist too. Well then let me go as a cute little dutch girl. Whaaa? Racist? How the hell is that racist!? I can’t go as a zombie nazi or a WW2 evacuee? Dude, whatever. Get off your high horse and let the kids have fun and be whatever they want. Seriously. Halloween is about creativity and having fun… and… getting lots of candy… So like, don’t interfere with one of the best holidays out there.
(I personally thought the costume was rather cute, and I thought it was nifty that it was kind of historical in a sense too. But apparently the media looooves to make a big deal out of anything and everything they can.)
Remember when we could all be racist and no one cared? Good times, gooooood tiiimes.
Halloween and White Privilege
Putting aside the fact that dressing up as a marginalized group contributes to their marginalization, I’m also deeply annoyed by White people who complain that there are no non-offensive costumes they can wear for Halloween. This is wrong and stupid for the following reasons:
WHITE PEOPLE AND CHARACTERS DOMINATE POP CULTURE!
MOST HISTORY BOOKS ARE WRITTEN TO SHOWCASE WHITE ACHIEVEMENT!
That means, when you, a White dude, dresses up as Spider-man, you’re the ‘real’ Spider-man. When you, a White girl, dresses up as Marie Antoinette, you’re the ‘real’ Marie Antoinette.
Unlike the rest of us, you Whites have the luxury of being able to dress up as nearly every well-known pop and historical figure—and many contemporary famous people—for Halloween. If I dress up as Leia from Star Wars, I’m ‘Asian Leia’. If my Black friend dresses up as George Washington, he’s ‘Black George Washington’…or worse ‘Black Guy Wearing A Powdered Wig For Some Reason (Possibly A Black One)’.
That’s why I find complaints about not being able to dress up as ‘an Eskimo’ or ‘a Mexican’ to be not only obnoxious and ignorant, but indicative of your deep lack of creativity, White people!
It is pretty damned shitty of you to complain about not being able to dress up as an ethnic stereotype for Halloween when you have a wealth of other choices.
Sexy Chewbacca, Sexy Darth Vader, and a bonus Sexy Storm Trooper
I’m not going to picspam you all with all of these terribad costumes, but here’s a (not so) shortlist of hilarity:
Sexy Skeleton - Because nothing is hotter than a disembodied rib cage and pelvis silk screened onto a black mini-dress?
Sexy Husky - Like the dog. Really.
Sexy Wolf - For the Game of Thrones fans I guess?
Tina the Target - This one is actually just really creepy.
Sexy Arcade Game - I’d be interested to know if the model in the photo is old enough to remember arcades.
Sexy Mrs. Potato Head - Do I need to starch this before I wear it? (Get it?!)
Sexy Wood Chipper - Alright, this one is really reaching.
There are so so many bad ones. I could probably do this all night. Time to answer requests now, though.
I hate Halloween.
Almost as bad as the Illegal Alien costumes.