Why I Am Hesitant of “Feminist” Culture



I am very much for egalitarian values. In that respect, I am a feminist But it’s one of those situations where it’s not the idea or the movement or the thing itself that you are hesitant about — but rather, many of the people that represent it, you find to be intolerable.

Enough of the feminists I have known were led to feminism after a lifetime and childhood of male abuse — not only sexual and physically violent abuse, but parental emotional abuse on behalf of father figures, and even brothers, and other such male roles. Don’t get me wrong. I empathize with this situation. I think it’s horrible that often times, you are just not powerful enough to resist such things: You are smaller, you are a child, you are weaker, etc. It is always horrible when a weaker party is abused by a stronger party. However, this form of abuse results in emotional and psychological instability, and especially when this instability is related to and founded in male abuse, it is difficult to discuss and address feminism with the subject.

Often in feminism, you encounter the woman who wants every man to be the enemy. Once I made a comment about not being very into big girls, but not being very into tiny, thin girls either, and this one girl flipped out on me, as though she doesn’t have preferences in males herself. Her anger at male dominated society isn’t logical. It’s just all over the place, and I have honestly been forced to deal with it from my close friends enough in my life that I am hesitant when someone says, “I’m a feminist.” What I generally think of is that you’re possibly a person who was abused by males and is going to be moody about certain issues and likely snap at me and call me a pig if I don’t take care not to say something that has to do with males and females.

And it’s sad that it has to be that way… because otherwise, I totally agree with egalitarian idealism. I don’t understand why anyone would ever accuse me of being a misogynist. And most feminists wouldn’t, I’ll admit. But it has occurred, and it has occurred in friendships that were very important to me. So it kind of stings and it kind of hurts.

One Final Comment: If you want to be sexually promiscuous, I will think of your behavior in precisely the same way that I tend to think of anyone’s sexually promiscuous behavior. When I have been sexually promiscuous, I will feel about myself and my behavior in a way that I would expect anyone else to, If they don’t choose to look at it that way, that’s their business, and if I am not attracted to their lifestyle, that is my business.

So basically…you’re totally into equality until a woman expects you to act like it.

Also, I feel your pain about having some woman call you a misogynist stinging. I’m sure it hurts much worse than the abuse you assume she suffered at the hands of another man.